Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
