Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
