Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
