clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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