How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
