but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
