It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
