On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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