i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
