I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
