they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
