nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just cut my nipple shaving
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
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