i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
