Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize