New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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