the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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