how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
