I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize