i used baking grease as lip gloss
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
