I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
