At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
