Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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