Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize