Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
