I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
