This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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