well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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