Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
