I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
