Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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