Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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