She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
