Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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