DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I love how my cats smell like pot.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
