I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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