he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
