A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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