I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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