Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
