i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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