im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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