Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
