remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
