Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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