I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
