So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
