the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize