If that was your dad, he is hot
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
