Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
