it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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