Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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