Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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