Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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