the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
