look no pants
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
