It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize