seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
