That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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