He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize