Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
