these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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