you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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