I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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