I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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