There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize