who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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