We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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