I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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