You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
