mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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